Master of None

A Roll of the Dice

At a point when many Americans are considering McCain and Obama’s respective VP picks, the question of age becomes an important factor. Below are calculated the probabilities that McCain and Obama would die (of “natural” causes) before the end of their 1st and 2nd terms as President.*

The results show that there is a 14% chance that McCain would not survive his first term in office (roughly equivalent to a roll of a standard six-sided die), and a 32% chance that he wouldn’t last two terms (in my opinion, it’s only a matter of time before he chooses to announce he will only be seeking one-term). This compares to 2% and 5% for Barack Obama, respectively.

To be clear, this assumes that both men are as healthy as an “average” American male. Many would debate this. In McCain’s defense, doctors have proclaimed him “healthy,” but considering that he spent five years being tortured, which caused life-lasting physiological damage (and that the political process allows an unlimited number of second opinions) I’d say “average” is fair to assume. For Barack Obama, I would guess that he’s of better-than-average health (given the amount of arugula in his regular diet), but we shall err on the side of caution.

Now, with only a 4% chance of not surviving an 8 year term as President, Barack Obama could arguably have picked a VP that was politically expedient (satisfying a particular demographic or two, say “women” or “religious evangicals”) and gotten away with it without too much flak. But instead he chose Joe Biden, who, with decades of experience with both US foreign policy and Washington politics, will be an indispensible resource in advising Obama during his Presidency. A safe choice, perhaps, but also a logical one.

However, McCain knew (or should have known) that his own age was a much more important issue for him in selecting a VP. And yet with Sarah Palin he went 100% for political expediency, in an effort to pander to women and religious evangelicals. She has zero experience in Washington (or, really, anywhere outside of Alaska). She has no academic or private-sector experience that would aid in decision-making on a national or geo-political scale. She is perceived to have knowledge of the energy industry, but in reality simply parrots the talking points of oil, coal, and natural gas lobbyists.

Imagine if Governor Palin had run on her own merits for the office of President; she wouldn’t have lasted through the first week of the Republican primaries. But if McCain is elected in November, there is at least a 14% chance that Sarah Palin will become the 45th President of the United States.

*Using actuarial data from the US Government’s Social Security site (this is one of the tools that insurance companies use to help set the terms of life and medical insurance policies)

There is Plenty to Bash Palin With (Aside From the Painfully Obvious)

A lot has been made of the disclosures of Sarah Palin and her underage daughter’s out-of-wedlock pregnancy. Yesterday I watched Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly vehemently defend Palin from all angles as the daytime drama unfolded. Barack Obama’s response was more measured, reminding us that we should be focused on the merits of her candidacy rather then her private life.

To that end, I present an excerpt of a letter from Jackie S, a concerned Alaskan from Palin’s home town who wants everyone to know just how ridiculously unqualified this woman is:

When you line Palin up with Biden, the comparison would be laughable if it weren’t so serious. Sarah Palin knows nothing of economics (admittedly a weak area for McCain), or of international affairs, knows nothing of national government, Social Security, unemployment, health care systems - you name it. The idea of her meeting with heads of foreign governments around the world truly frightens me.

Grove Court: The Illuminati of the West Village?

The last two weeks of August are a bit slow, so I found my mind wandering and somehow remembered one of my favorite spots in New York: Grove Court, in the West Village.

It’s funny that it’s one of my favorites since I’ve never been there. As you can see above, the tiny residential compound is locked away from the rest of New York (which is really what makes it so appealing).

Some browsing led me to Forgotten New York, which contains a suprising amount of fun information about little nooks and crannies of the city that most people would never notice. Below, a picture from inside Grove Court (jealous).

Then I started thinking about who owns these houses and if they ever come up for sale (here’s where I start to look a bit stalkerish). According to property tax filings on the NYC.gov website, at least two of the six rowhouses are owned by living trusts in the names of Charles and Regina Reynolds.

A Google search indicates that the couple is most known for writing a book about vintage magic posters (no, really). However, I noticed they popped up in a conspiracy theory website as well (proceed with caution, as this site has some weird ass shit), which says that Charles and Regina are part of the Reynolds family (as in RJR Nabisco / R J Reynolds Tobacco company), which is (according to the site) a cornerstone of the the Illuminati (a historical secret society that has been co-opted by conspiracy theorists and fiction writers). While this was all interesting, it wasn’t exactly what I was looking for.

Google searches of some of the other Grove Court owners didn’t reveal much. An author, a professor, a mother-in-law. Then I got to Brian Henry Cullman.

Search results indicate inclusion in several prominent Jewish groups and a family history of investing in Broadway shows, but I was trying to remember where I had seen that name before and couldn’t place it. Then I remembered:

“Although the Reynolds are allied with many of the major Satanic bloodlines, including the Rothschild’s, the Dupont’s, the Rockefellers, the Graces and the Grays, they are especially close and intertwined to the Duke and Cullman families.”

MIND IS BLOWN. THE ILLUMINATI ARE REAL AND THEY LIVE IN MY BACK YARD.